THE PRINCE TURNS

We interrupt this broadcast
to bring you a special message
from the president of the U.S.

My fellow Americans.
It is with great humility
that I come to you tonight
with a message that weighs
heavily on my heart.

As you know, I come from a long line
of men who have served this great country.
My grandfather served in the U.S. Senate
and my father, as you remember,
served the nation as president.
It is in our blood to do everything
possible to further our cause around the world.

I know not everyone is happy with the job
I have done on behalf of the American people.
It is true that the gap between rich and poor
is widening.

It is also true that our nation is now engaged
in endless war.
I have long warned that you needed to be prepared
for a long, long war.
That warning has now come true.

Some say I have no heart, feelings,
or conscience.
Some say that I am ruthless and a pirate.
Some maintain that I have made decisions
solely to benefit the wealthy and powerful.

Some even have said that I am a captive
of the religious right.
They have said I am trying to create
Armageddon so that Christ will return.

To all these charges I have only one thing to say.
They are all true.

You must know that since a child
I have been programmed to take over this nation
on behalf of those who profit from hunger,
poverty, drug addiction, violence, and endless war.

My own family is an agent of these powerful forces.
You might recall that President Eisenhower
warned us about the unbridled power
of the military industrial complex
when he left office in 1961.

He knew better than to speak those words earlier,
as he would have been killed.
Shot down like others have been who dared
cross those who run this country.

I know I am now a marked man for saying
these things to you.
Expect that I will die an early death
in the days to come.
But I have decided that I cannot live with
myself any longer if I maintain silence.
I must speak up.

I used to believe the constitution
was just a piece of paper.
But then I went on my recent tour
of Latin America,
where there were major protests
at every stop.

While at a Mayan ruin,
you might have heard,
a spiritual leader
purified the site after I left.
Little do they know that as a result
of that purification
I have had an epiphany.

I have come to ask forgiveness
of you, the American people.
I have come to offer my resignation
as president of the U.S.
I shall leave office immediately
and turn myself in to the local authorities,
to stand trial for my crimes against humanity.

I do not ask for your sympathy.
I know full well what I have done.
I only ask you for your prayers.

And let me ask of you,
one more thing.

I ask that you take back your country,
from my family,
and from those other deceivers
who have corrupted this democracy
and led this once great nation to ruin.

Please don’t hesitate another day
to seriously question anyone
who tells you that U.S. foreign policy
is about protecting “our interests.”
Please learn to define the word “our”
as meaning the interests of the pirate class.

Please make this nation what it should be.
Please take back control of the helm of state now,
before it is too late.


“Bruce, wake up. You fell asleep at your desk!”